I honestly can't remember the last time it was cold in July. I know in a couple days I'll be cursing the heat as I'm sweating to death but I do miss summer. We were in Missouri last week and it was summer there......95 degrees all week, lounging by the pool, getting sunburned. That is what summer is about right? It is really hard to believe that June is done and gone already and in a couple days there will be fireworks to watch.
A year ago at this time I was waiting to find out one of the biggest decisions in my life, and the summer before that saw me take the first step in a decision that was life changing for Kobe, Madison, and myself. It was a hard decision but a necessary one which was painful for the three of us in many ways but looking back on it now I have no regrets because we are much more happier than ever before. Court was all wrapped up and the judge gave us a date in the middle of July to come in for her final decision. Thankfully, when I look back now I don't remember how horrible it felt to have to sit and wait and wonder. I had my supporters, mostly family and some really good friends but I also had the people who kept telling me to prepare for the worst "because dad's don't ever get custody of their kids" . Those voices were the words of people who didn't me I guess. I live for my kids and put them first. To me, that is my job, that is my reason for being me, and for doing all the things I do. It is who I am.
During the last year though I have had the chance to really get to work on me, to get to know who I am again and what I want and where I want to be. It took me awhile to get it but the life lessons that I have learned have been great for me. Those lessons have helped me appreciate so many things, whether it is the smile and giggle of my daughter or watching the sun set while driving home with the windows open and the music blasting away. I've learned to not get fully caught up in life and stress, to appreciate the little things. I've learned that life is a gift and when people are important to you, you tell them and you continue to tell them every chance you get. I learned that from Kobe actually. Just for fun, yesterday I counted how many times he said "I love you dad". He said it 17 times! It started me thinking as to why he tells me that so often because here is an autistic boy who shares his emotions when most kids with autism do not. I started noticing when he would tell me he loved me and what we were doing at the time. There was no pattern, sometimes he said it for no reason. That is when it hit me and I again learned a lesson from my son, you don't need a reason to tell someone how you feel about them. I have always admired Kobe for sharing whatever is on his mind, actually I call it the lack of a Kobe filter. Kobe doesn't worry about what people think, Kobe speaks his mind. If he doesn't like something he will gladly tell you. This made me realize that wouldn't it be great if we all could do this? I don't know how many times I've held something back because I feared the answer, or feared rejection. You get a true sense of freedom when you decide to let it fly and don't hold anything back. It really works. Sometimes with surprising and amazing results as I have recently found.
So as I write this I have to question where I will be a year from now as I sift through all these blog posts and read this one. The summer of 2011 and 2012 held huge life changes for me and it really makes me excited as to think that the trend will continue. It is so great to have such high hopes and a great outlook on life again like I have for the last couple of years. I see my kids and the progression they have made and it makes me see that I've done a pretty good job over the last couple years and that I'm continuing in the right direction. So, as time moves on and the summer ahead holds good times yet to be had, I hope that next summer when I read this and reflect on the summer of 2013 that I have great things to add
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