Sometimes being different is a good thing!
Imagine having a disability that crowds your head with thoughts but gives you a limitted way to express them. Or how about knowing what you want to say but not having the ability to get it out, then imagine having that anxiety all day, every day of your life.
My son is 13 and in many ways is a typical teenager. He hates getting up in the morning and would sleep until 11 am if I let him I'm sure. When he isn't on his ADHD meds he devours food like he hasn't eaten for days. He likes to ride his bike, he likes to shoot baskets at the park. He likes to play games on his Ipad or watch cartoon on it. My son is also the typical 7 year old too. He likes movies like Toy Story, Ice Age, and Peter Pan. He has to have all the toys and characters with him when he goes somewhere. He likes his stuffed animals, he has just started to enjoy drawing and coloring. He sometimes gets clingy. The looks you get when you are out in public sometimes are interesting when your son, who is almost the same height as you, holds your hand, gives you a huge hug, or kisses your cheek. I use to care what people thought. Now, all I care about is what he thinks and how so many parents who have an autistic child would kill to have their child show them any type of affection.
As far as the severity of Kobe's disability, I consider it to be mild. I think this way because I know that things could be so much worse for him and like I said, I get the pleasure of raising a child who is so unique, so loving, and so amazing in his own way. I remember walking into Kobe's kindergarten class and seeing all the kids in wheelchairs, kids who could barely walk, kids who couldn't talk. I also have had the pleasure of seeing these kids grow up too. I also have seen how many of the parents of these children have embraced their children for who they are. Some of the kids have parents who I've never seen or met and that doesn't make them bad parents in any way but you can't help but notice that these are the kids who seem like they've been given up on and left alone. To me, that is just so sad. Needless to say I know that when my son is at school that the teachers in his classroom are great with him and for some of these kids, that's all they have.
Having a child with autism is good and bad but you have to be able to look at all the good things. Being able to do that took awhile for me because I knew nothing about autism when Kobe was diagnosed. You go into denial. You think of all the things your child won't ever be able to do. This is why I think some parents write their own children off and just accept things. That is a big mistake! I soon stopped focusing on how different Kobe was and starting thinking how unique my son is. Instead of my teenage son telling me that I'm lame or that he hates me I get to hear that I'm his best friend every day and "I love you dad". I get to hear about his day and when most kids his age are out getting into trouble with their friends, my son is hanging out at home where I know he is safe and not getting into trouble or having negative influences shape his young life. Kobe is Kobe. He doesn't care if he is looked at as cool. He doesn't try to impress anyone. He does what he likes and he is oblivious to the opinions of other people. I have always admired that about him, that he is comfortable being himself.
Of course I wonder about his future......will he be able to drive? Will he have his own place? What is in his future and what does it hold? For now though we just live one day at a time trying to keep things as normal as possible for him, having some routine and structure. When people think of kids with autism they think of constant meltdowns, tantrums, and whatever else they've seen on television or read in books. Kobe is about as mellow and mild mannered as they come. Sure I may have to tell him to go brush his teeth three times before he does it but that is the teenager in him coming out. The biggest compliment I always get from teachers and people who know Kobe is that he is a great person and that everybody knows him and loves him. It isn't always easy being a parent, especially when you have a special needs child. You read so much about this and that, what things help, what not to do. Often I almost feel like the poor kid is in an experiment betwen his diet, medication, acne issues, etc. It is especially hard when he seems to do so well at home, yet comes home from visiting his mom with self inflicted bite marks. I know he does that when he is frustrated or angry and I wish he could tell me why he does those things. That is by far the worse part, not knowing how he is being treated. It obviously isn't good and his treatment probably hasn't changed much and it makes me so mad since one of the main reasons I was given sole custody was because of how the kids were being treated. One of these days, Kobe will be pushed too far because we all have our breaking points.
When Kobe was born in 1999 the statistic was 1 out of every 200 kids born would be autistic. Today I believe that statistic is 1 out of every 88 and who knows, it could be even lower by now. I won't preach but something needs to be done. It is an obvious problem and so many people don't even realize it until they know someone or have a child who is autistic. I am one of those people. I have 13 years of experience under my belt though now and I'm still learning about it, trying different things to help Kobe. In many ways though Kobe has taught me about life. He has taught me so much in those 13 years and I don't know who either of us would be if we hadn't gone through what we've been through. I don't look at him as a child with autism. I look at him and can't imagine him being anything other than who he is. I'll gladly take him the way he is and help him celebrate his individuality in a world where everyone is told how to be. Kobe has no interest in being another sheep in the flock. He's blazing his own trail and I'm proud to be along for the ride.
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