This exchange took place a couple weeks ago and it floored me enough to give me the inspiration to start this blog rolling.
I took the kids to the park one Saturday because it was finally nice out after a long cold spring. Generally we cycle through the parks in Ottawa, we've given each park a name so when we get to the point in the car where we debate which one to go to we can keep them all straight. On this day we decided to hit the park known as "the castle park" because the "riverwalk park" was under about six feet of water because of another amazing flood. We got to the park and the kids scattered so I hit the bench to just enjoy the day as I knew that my "me" time wasn't going to last long. About two minutes later I was being begged to play tag so away we went. After about 15 minutes of running around I snuck out of the game to rest since there were now about seven kids playing tag with my two kids.
I sat down and on the next bench was a woman in her 60's probably, the gramma to one of the kids now playing tag. She decided to strike up a conversation with me and started by asking which kids were mine. About thirty seconds into the chit chat she asked if my wife was working today and unable to enjoy the nice day. I politely said oh no, I'm not married anymore. She appologized and then stuck her foot in her mouth again by saying something about how nice it is to see a dad spending quality time with his kids on his weekend with them. Normally I would have just let it slide and I know that she wasn't trying to be rude or anything but I felt the need to let her know that sometimes it is better to let the other person explain their story than to jump to conclusions. I also was thinking what her next comment could be.....I know dads don't get custody very often but sometimes it is for the best and people just don't get that sometimes. I told her that the kids were home for the weekend and we decided to go to the park after the kids finished cleaning their rooms. I watched as the lightbulb flickered in her head and I think she got it.
I switched the conversation to who she was at the park with. She started telling me about her daughter's son, Blake, and how she watches him on the weekends while her daughter works. When she figured out that my kids live with me full time I could tell because she seemed to become more friendly and talkative. I hate the stereotype so many people have of dads and how they have no idea what they are doing with their own children. I understand that even in today's society, the role that men play is usually not one of the caregiver but I think that is changing. I think more men are becoming better fathers to their own children because of the things they dealt with growing up, not having a father figure. This is what drove me to be who I am today.
So basically that inspired me to write because I hate how everyone assumes when they see a guy out with his kids that he is in "visitation" mode or that his wife trusted him enough to take the kids for an hour or two. It bothered me in the past but I've gotten to the point where I don't have anything to prove to anyone and that other people's opinions of me don't mean anything. The important people know me and my situation and the new people I meet will get the explanation when the time comes. I want those people, the ones who don't get it, to know that some guys can raise kids and that gender stereotypes are a thing of the past. It's about being a well rounded person who can be independant and take care of themselves. That's why in this house we all cook, we all play sports.....we don't let our gender limit what we can and can't do. I don't want my kids growing up thinking that they are limited in what they can do based on what other people will think of them.
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